No One Knows What They’re Doing

Once upon an average day, I was scrolling through my twitter feed and came across a quote that has been kept on the tip of my mind since I read it and it was “The best advice I’ve ever received is, ‘No one else knows what they’re doing either.” – Ricky Gervais

Now the quote is quite easy to break down, and you don’t need to be a scholarly writer to understand what it entails. But, it is a quote that has been in my head since I read it and has been something that has helped me get through challenging days.

Looking over the last couple of years of my life, I have never really been a planner. Want to meet for breakfast in 10 minutes? Sure I’m down. Want to have breakfast a month from now at 10am? Um, I’m not sure, I will have to check my calendar and I will probably let you know the night before incase my dog is sick or something. I plan loads of things in my head but won’t act upon them until the very last minute. I took a gap year and planned my flight a month before and didn’t tell my friends until two weeks before I left. Now maybe that is considered a bad friend, but that’s just the way I do things. & diving deep into my head, maybe it’s because I am too scared to tell people my plans incase they don’t turn out the way I wanted them to. I don’t know what I am doing in a month, heck I don’t even know what I am doing in a week or even this current day. (I planned to go to bed at 10pm and now it is 1am and I am writing a blog post. See. Nothing I do goes to plan.) But that’s what works for me. I take life as it comes because I don’t know what to plan for.

I am currently finishing up my second semester of my freshman year and have finals this week and next week (and procrastinating by writing this, oops). & let me just tell you, school has always made life feel like it is going by so fast and feels like there is not enough time in the day. I remember when I was a kid, my days felt so much longer. I always asked my parents what we’re doing in the next hour, because it felt so long away. But recently, I will look at a clock one minute and look at it a second later and two hours already went by. Now where do they go? I don’t know. Now realistically there is enough time in the day for me to get things done. But I will admit that I spend a little too much time trying to keep up with Harry Styles or trying to stay up to date with the latest trending song or tv show. But time shifts when it comes to school and an hour before an assignment is due is much shorter than an hour waiting at the secretary of state, trust me, I know. And I do this terrible thing where I do my assignments the hour before I have to submit it. Even though my clock a=says an hour, it’s really just fifteen minutes.

University has really taught me that I am more confused than I was the day before with where I see myself in future. I am currently a finance major and if you know me personally you would probably be confused. I was told many times growing up to be an accountant and now I am told that the field will be taken over by technology in the next five years and I don’t question the future, so here I am with plans to graduate with a finance degree. I am good with numbers and money and that why people think it’s the right track for me. Now I can’t tell you what field I am going to graduate in, but I feel like it changes everyday in my head. When I applied I was dancing between journalism, computer science and nursing. All completely different fields! And just this last weekend I randomly redid my whole bedroom and the idea of becoming an interior designer flashed through my head. In addition, I would love to be an artist’s photographer and videographer. I have always been drawn to that in particular job and love going to concerts. Even with the same music played every time, no two night are the same. Whether it’s the people, venue, note change, or reactions, it’s all different and I love that. But for me, it’s not as realistic as I don’t have the connections and support as I do in other fields. But I am trying and I guess I’m putting it into the universe right now and maybe that will help. So planning that doesn’t really work either.

If you asked me five years ago (freshman year of high school) where I would see myself in five years I would have said with a big smile on my face that I would be in college partying every night with my best friend, eating ramen noodles and living the dream life!!! Never in a million years would I have thought that in that time, One Direction would take a hiatus or Justin Bieber would be married. I would never believe that I would be moving to the other side of the world for a year by myself. I would never believe that I would get the opportunity to travel around the world meeting some of the most influential people in my life and making the best memories. I would have never seen myself crying in the middle of a cafe because for the first time in astronomical history, a black hole was photographed and Einstein’s theory was proved to be true. But life throws you curveball in every direction and we just have to take it. If you ask me where I will be in two months from this moment, I can’t even answer that. Will I be in Europe traveling around? Will I be working at an office? Will I be taking concert photos? Will I be selling foot photos? Will I be selling foot photos while I am chilling on the Amalfi Coast? I don’t know!! The options are endless!

Since college started, I really started to understand connect to this quote because most people are as lost as me. (I would say everyone but some people really have their whole future planned out and I don’t want to put them down.) But no one knows the future (except psychics?? I don’t know, I am not trying to dismiss people). What we know is what we know in this exact moment. From experiences or stories passed through the grapevine or watching documentaries or reading books. But it’s all information from the past because that’s all we have access to. If I knew the future, I would have not spent four years learning MLA format when we use APA in all college classes?? If I had access to information in the future I like to know it I will use riemann sums or needing antiderivatives for anything because I am losing sleep over it.

Now this post has really been all over the place. I know. But I am just another person who has no idea what I am doing and have no sense of direction when it comes to my life and letting you know that you’re not alone. Now maybe you’re a planner and have everything set out for you and don’t relate to this at all. But life is full of twist and turns and could be changed in the matter of seconds. Things that we can’t plan for can show up and turn our life around. I really have been trying to live in the moment more and take everyday as it comes because looking back, it will be a good laugh with how stressed I once was over a problem so small.

That’s it for this post. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for sharing a piece of your time with me. I know how precious it is.

Xx Katy

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